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Post by cornbob on Dec 10, 2007 10:14:22 GMT -5
Rain in December washes white Christmas away. Still the stars at night.
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Post by graesonbelinda on Dec 10, 2007 22:02:21 GMT -5
I really like haiku's. I am getting ready to teach my 5th graders Haiku's. We just happen to be doing them about the Holiday season!!
Thanks for sharing.
Belinda
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Post by cornbob on Dec 11, 2007 0:56:34 GMT -5
Yeah I like them too, I can be a haiku junkie at times. Basho is my favourite.
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Post by twilightpen on Apr 28, 2008 22:01:11 GMT -5
rain in december washes white christmas away still the stars at night
ok if you love haiku then maybe you will understand that i am not knocking your poem i am going to suggest a way to improve it and will give reasons for changes... "rain in december" ok you have 5 syllables but you dont need that many and it can be less try "december rain "or if you want to make it 5 add a litle discription like... "cold december rain" remember it is 5-7-5 or less and sometimes less is best one rule is not to use words like ( and , the , in , etc) "washes white christmas away"... reads like a run on sentense from the first line try white christmas washed away only 6 syllables here but you see where i am going "still the stars at night".. i love this line for the most part but not sure if you mean what i am reading do you mean still as to stop? or do you mean the rain stops and you can see stars at night if the second get rid of the "the" and word it something like this "still stars blink at night"....or "yet stars blink at night"
cold december rain white christmas washed away still stars blink at night
now you have a poem that does not read like one sentence is very descriptive and keeps the meaning (depending on the last line)
hope you come back and read this for i enjoyed your ku very much......twi.
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Post by Antipodi on Dec 15, 2008 21:53:37 GMT -5
GDay I found this wonderful write so very appropriate for this time of year ...so wonderful I could hear the bells as they came faded and became a memory ..this Haiku is BEAUTIFUL
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